'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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even the AIR tastes like tequila.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
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my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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