You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize