Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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