Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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