dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize