I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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