You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
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Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
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Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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