My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
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So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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