Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize