fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
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We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
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Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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