so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
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he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
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So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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