i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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