life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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