Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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