When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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