Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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