I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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