Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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