chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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