I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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