Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize