genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
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I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
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DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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