his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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