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Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
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