Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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