if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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