His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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