Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
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Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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