I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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