you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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