6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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