Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize