You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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