you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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