; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize