I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
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Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
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You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize