I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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