Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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