Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
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To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
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College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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