hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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