Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Still dying that you shit outside
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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