i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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