my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize