omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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