Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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