So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
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She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
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I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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