Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
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He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
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Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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