I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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