i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
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