True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
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you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
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I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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